I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
