Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
