she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
