i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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