I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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