well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
