How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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