I accidentally had phone sex last night
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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