The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone came in the potted fern
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
