the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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