My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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