how can u be prego again
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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