Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
