I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
