Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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