I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
