White coat. Heels.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My pussy is not your playground.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
