She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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