I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i will never coherently bang her
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
