my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
