the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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