Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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