Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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