I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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