tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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