I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sext me about skeletons
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
