just come out here and I will go home with you...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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