You made me cry and you don't even care
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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