So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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