i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sober January is a disaster.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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