Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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