tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
