I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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