So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
