is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
