the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
