I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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