So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I didn't notice because vodka
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
