i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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