Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize