Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
