I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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