i wish my penis had a tongue
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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