I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
