Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
