I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
