i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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