Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
