i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's blow job season.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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