Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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