I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This is my gift to your gina
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
