Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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