If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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