Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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