I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
