i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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