i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
