census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Randomize
