Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
