why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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