Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
