I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
