so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
