I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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