You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
