i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
