would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
